Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
