Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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