Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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