I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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