Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
two words...techno handjob
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
