is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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