i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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