You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
