We're like a lot better than the average bears
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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