There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
