Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
