Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
