were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
