It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Randomize
