Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
