Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
