We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
