oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
