The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
