Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
