Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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