Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
