Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
