I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize