I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
