he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
