Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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