Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
