if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
