I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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