bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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