Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
