i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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