So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
