The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
