he shaved USA in his pubs
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
