12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize