That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
