There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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