i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
