Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
