On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
pop tarts are not kleenex
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize