A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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