I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
