I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
