I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
