Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
