so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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