im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
