KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
