My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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