Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
