I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
