Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
