We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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