im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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