Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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