It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
