Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
