Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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