She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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