Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
