Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
