I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
