All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
