I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
