woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When did angry sex become our thing?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
