how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
