oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
