Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize