Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
