I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize