Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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