I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize