Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
