My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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