i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the day after is always just damage control
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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