The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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