I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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