Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
